Yikes! I have gained 10 lbs!

So, I have gained about 10lbs since January. Wow! I have been keeping that to myself for a while. Now, if someone had asked me I would have told them. But, other than that I have just been silently increasing in weight. Why? I just kind of lost of focus. It started with an extra cookie, that turned into frappuccino, that turned into a bagel, then several slices of pizza. I have been rather consistent with my exercise, but that can’t overcome bad eating. Another thing that happened is I stopped tracking my weight. I felt as if I was becoming too fixated on numbers. But, not keeping tracking of the numbers allowed me to avoid reality. I think that I need a happy medium.

What made the reality of my weight gain really sink-in is that I tried on the dress pictured above.  Last year, this dress was my goal dress for my birthday. As another birthday approaches, I still cannot fit into it. When I tried the dress on this morning, the zipper was even less close to closing.  For me, this dress is a physical representation of how I have not met my goals. Although I have avoided the scale, that dress is still there (same size/shape). I have pulled it out and hung it over my closet as a reminder. It has made me realize that I have to re-dedicate myself to the routine.  Here are my goals for the upcoming week:

1. I will weigh and log my weight on Friday

2. I will stay under my calories everyday for this upcoming week.

3. I will exercise four times this week.

I hope that some of you who are reading this will join me this mid-year recommitment to healthier goals.

“Fit” vs. “Skinny”

An example of Thinspo from a Thinspo blog.

 

An Example of Fitspo from tumblr

 

My latest addiction to Pinterest has lead me to a new realization about how people talk about the female body.  I have been noticing a change.  Skinny is “out” and being fit is “in”. Initially I was in favor of this change of discourse, but I now think that people are exchanging one unrealistic set of expectations for another. A good example of this is “thinspo” and “fitspo.” According to Wikipedia, Thinspo is “thinspiration (or thinspo): images or video montages of slim women, often celebrities, who may be anything from naturally slim to emaciated with visibly protruding bones.Pro-ana [short for pro-anorexia] bloggers, forum members and social networking groups likewise post thinspiration to motivate one another toward further weight loss.” On the other hand, fitspo are images designed to promote fitness. Fitspo is positioned as being “better” than thinspo. However, I am finding fitspo to be just as problematic. Rather than as emaciated  small-chested women, fitspo images show women with their version of the perfect body. These women usually have large fake boobs, thin waists with perfectly defined abs, muscular thighs etc. However, both fitspo and thinspo show women with an absence of  fat. Unfortunately, this is unrealistic. I think we all use images as some sort of motivation, but I think it is important to be critical of so-called “fitspo.” It seems to me that they are not that different.

Fat Prejudice…

Hello Blog! I feel like my last few blog posts have been about the same topic. My struggle with eating. The truth is that not much has changed. But, I have nothing new to add to the situation. So, I have decided not to write about it this week. Instead, I will write about something different that has been on my mind for a while.

As I have mentioned earlier, my weight has gone up and down over the years (If you want to see images please look to my first blog post http://myjourney1983.wordpress.com/2011/06/18/welcome-to-my-blog-2/). However, with this weight loss I have noticed a big difference in the way that people treat me. I am sure this has happened with earlier weight-loss but I am much more aware of interactions these days. I have noticed that the smaller, I get the nicer people are to me. For example, strangers smile more frequently or I get better service when I go into a clothing store. Now, I am sure that part of this is how I feel about myself. I am probably more confident and happier. But, it still kind of bothers me that weight has such an influence on how people treat you. A good example of this was when Real Housewife of New Jersey cast member, Melissa Gorga, donned a fat suit and walked around New York City (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQqYIU4qRMI&feature=related). I think the part of the clip that bests expresses what I am thinking of begins at time mark 2:49 when Melissa drops her gloves as a fat and then as a skinny person. I don’t know why this should really bother me. I am aware of how race, gender, language background, hairstyle, and other identities can influence how people treat you. However, I feel like people often talk about these other types of prejudice and discrimination, but remain silent about issues of weight.

Another reason I have difficulty with talking about fat prejudice,  is that I don’t know how to talk about how to counteract these experiences of discrimination and bias. The route that some people are taking is to start fat and proud movements. But, I think that this is problematic. The promotion of obesity or encouraging people to lead unhealthy lifestyles is not something that I can condone. But, at the same time it is important to address stereotypes that people have about larger people. Maybe it is our focus as a society and individuals on weight, rather than on health that makes this problem so rampant. I am not really sure. I don’t have any answers. But, this topic has become more salient in my life. As I lose more weight and begin to receive more benefits for being smaller, how do I counteract my size privilege?

Do you guys have any thoughts on this issue? I would love to hear your perspective.

New Year’s Resolutions in February…

I had three New Year’s Resolutions.They were: (1) I will exercise four times a week; (2) I will stay under my calories six times a week; (3) I will have 50% less credit card debt by December 31, 2012. However, my actions have not reflected these goals. I  wanted to write a long post about doing better. But, all I can say is summed up by the above quote and picture.

Eating secretly…

A couple of hours ago I finished eating a two item combo (orange chicken, chicken egg roll) with half-fried rice and half-chow mein. Now, I feel guilty. As I pulled into the drive-thru, I knew that I really shouldn’t be ordering this food.  I wasn’t even hungry. I had eaten plenty throughout the day. But, I did it anyway. Many of you are probably thinking, “Don’t be so hard on yourself! You have accomplished so much.”  But, I have not been very hard on myself. I have been secretly eating. Prior to my lifestyle change, I would eat in secret frequently.  The equation would go something like this:

time alone + any kind of strong emotion (stress, sadness, happiness, anger)= eating large amounts of food alone

After the New Year, I haven’t been able to get into a good routine with exercise, eating, blogging etc. My life seems to be just going around in circles. With the multiple things that are going on, in moments when I am alone, I have been secretly eating. Last year, I was secretly shopping. But, I am really trying hard not to spend my money on unnecessary things. So, I have returned to eating. I am slowly sliding back into my old ways. But, this time I am conscious of this fact. I am not going to hide from the truth.

What to do next?  Well, among others, I read this article (http://www.ifood.tv/blog/emotional_eating_demystified). It helped to realize that I need to come up with different strategies for dealing with the emotions that cause me to eat too much. I can no longer rely on shopping, so I am going to do some research on different strategies.  I am also going to set clear short-term goals around eating and exercise. I think that once I get back into a good routine, things will be okay.

My goals for this next week:

1. Eat 1850 calories a day.

2. Exercise Saturday (1/28), Sunday (1/29), Tuesday (1/31), Thursday (2/02), and Saturday (2/04).

Next week, I am going to check-in with you guys and let you all know how I am doing. I have also included an article about the topic of eating in secret, or binge eating: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2048411/Binge-eater-Kate-secretly-gorged-cakes-biscuits-did-kick-habit.html

Harder than I thought…

An image from www.katespade.com

After returning from vacation, I assumed that it would be easy to get back on the healthy eating/exercising wagon. In the two weeks that I let myself relax, I kind of got out of the routine. Even worse, I fell into my detrimental old habit of saying, “It’s okay, I will start again tomorrow.” The problem with that philosophy is tomorrow keeps getting pushed back. So, needless to say I have not been eating well or exercising the way I should. But, the thing is I am not sure how to pull myself out of this funk. My body is craving sugar, fried foods, and sweet drinks. I feel lazy to go workout.  I feel more than lazy; in fact,  I am afraid. I am worried that I got so out of shape during my vacation. I have only been to The Bar Method once since I got back. Even worse, I tell myself that I will workout at home and I don’t do it. I have only managed to accomplish this twice. So, what to do?

Now, my usual plan for motivation would be to go buy some Lululemon workout clothes. That usually gives me the push that I need to go to the gym. But, since I am working on not spending money I can’t rely on this old trick. Another way I usually motivate myself is by going shopping to buy something (to buy anything). This usually distracts me from boredom eating that causes me to go over my calories and eat in an unhealthy manner. But, I haven’t been able to rely on these tried and true solutions. So, I am confused. How do I whip myself into shape in a constructive manner?

I usually have a way to end a post with a thoughtful strategy or plan. But, the truth is that I can’t think of one. I signed up to go workout at 7:30 am tomorrow. This usually works for me because I know that I will get things done in the morning. I will go to the grocery store to buy food that will help me stay under my calories. But, other than that I have no quick motivation tips.

Here’s to making this week better than last

A New Year and New (and some not so new) Resolutions!

It’s almost a year since I began my journey to a healthier me. This blog has been pivotal to my continued success and I appreciate all of those who read it. For 2012, I have one new goal and a few revised goals. I am going to start with the revised goals.

Revised Goals

For 2012, I have decided to take the term “weight loss” out of my vocabulary with reference to my journey to a healthier me I have tried for the past several months to stop focusing on my weight, but it has been hard. So, when it came to making my new year’s resolutions for this year my first instinct was to write, “I want to reach my goal weight.” However, I have decided to make a change this year and focuses on practicing the lifestyle choices that will help me have the body that I want. So, what does that mean? It means that my two revised resolutions are:

1. I will exercise 4 times a week.
2. I will stay under my calorie goals a 6 days a week.

This does not mean that won’t pay attention to my weight. But, I am going to try my darndest to make sure that it is not the focus of my lifestyle.

New Goals

I have also decided to expand my definition of a journey to a  healthier me. As I get older, I have begun to think about what kind of life I want for myself. Last year, my main focus was getting physically healthy. This year, I want to improve my financial health. My struggles with my finances has been as consistent as my struggles with eating and exercise. In fact, I have come to the realization that the feeling that I get from eating and the feeling that I get from spending money are the same. I get pleasure from “over-doing” both of these things and I later regret it. So, with this new idea of financial health I have decided to add a new section to my blog about this journey. (My new financial goal for 2012 is written below.)

1. By December 31, 2012, I will have 50% less credit card debt.

I look forward to an awesome year!

Tags: Changes, Credit Card Debt, Financial Health, New Year's Resolutions, Weight